Pairing: Alastair/Dean, Sam/Dean
Summary: Dean is not coping well.
Warnings: Rape/Non-con; Violence; PTSD
Author's Notes: It's been a rough couple of months, so i took it out on my favorite whipping boy. It isn't beta-read, so if you notice something wrong, please let me know.
i'm thinking: you give me a story of yours (on lj or AO3) that you want a review on. It has to be your own fic. Personal preference is for a completed fic, but i don't mind wip's as long as they're not going to be abandoned.
Here's the catch: if i review one of yours, i would hope that you would review one of mine. A review quid pro quo.
Are you game? i know i'm guilty of not leaving as much feedback as i should. i'm hoping to break myself of the bad habit, lol!
The hope is to just encourage reviewing, to encourage feedback exchange. Comment with fic suggestions, if you'd like!
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Artist: Gabbi the Great and Powerful
Rating: Art:; Fic: R
Word Count: ~7,900
Beta: zhem the mewling quim i couldn’t have done this without.
Warning: Language. The language IS derogatory and inflammatory. It’s intended to be insulting, and is unapologetic. i am not a person who holds them to be true, but given the bad guy that i’m using, it’s necessary that such language is used. Please be aware that there is homophobic slurs, racial slurs, and derogatory language.
Past Bucky/Steve; and Tony/Steve pre-slash.
Summary: Steve is targeted by evil, and the results are painful.
Posted via m.livejournal.com.
So, it has come up a couple of times that because i’m not an asexual, the representation that i’ve offered through Steve in The Sexual Adventures of Asexual Steve is wrong. i’ve been accused of fantasizing and elaborating on things i have no clue of, therefore no right, to write.
First of all, let me say very plainly, explicitly: i did not undertake this series with the idea of writing a Steve who didn’t get a hard-on, decide to call him asexual, and try to find the kinkiest ways to write about it. i refuse to treat a valid sexuality in that way. i would not write heterosexuality, demisexuality, pansexuality, or homosexuality in such a disrespectful, flippant manner. i would not do the same when it came to asexuality. It’s a sexuality that’s fascinated me. There’s something interesting in a person who can be so completely intimate without the sexual aspect of a relationship.
i refuse to believe that somebody would believe that i would pursue this without some serious research. i wanted to know what asexuals feel, how they think. And i wanted to marry that with a pre-sexual revolution era mindset. Let’s think about this for a minute. Without the issue of asexuality, there are the issues of homosexuality in the modern age, for Steve- as i prefer to pair him with Tony.
Pre-sexual revolution mindset would teach missionary position with his wife, obviously a woman, with the intent of being fruitful and multiplying, thus obeying the word of God. Homosexuality was a perversion, shameful and disgraceful and punishable up to and including severe sentencing in prison. People caught in the act of deviancy or even suspected of it, were subject to abuse. Abuse perpetuated even by the cops. Eventually, this subject will come up in the series.
Exacerbating Steve’s issues is the fact that his constant illnesses and victimization as an undersized target for the bigger, frustrated men who were a product of the First World War, the Stock Market Crash, and the tensions of the early Second World War, he’s been hurt often enough that he’s been rendered impotent. His issues with arousal and sexuality as a healthy heterosexual would be treated in various ways to ensure that he would be able to fulfill his Christian duty. One of the ways that it was achieved was through a mercury laden (usually topical antiseptic) pill known as mercurochrome advertised by a Mexican radio station in the 1930’s. It’s one of many treatments they offered to people.
Now we’re going to get into some really nitty gritty technicalities. Steve does not know what he is. He knows that he’s broken- his dick doesn’t work like it’s supposed to. He knows that he’s completely going against the faith that he was raised in, and the faith that i believe he as a character would continue to pursue as a soldier and as a veteran.
Steve would be isolated from the rest of his men, unable to relate to them in the pursuit of sexual conquests. He wouldn’t be able have a grasp on the pleasure of it, or a desire for it. He likes the way men look, and the way they feel against him, nonsexually. However, he doesn’t have a reaction to them. He has feelings of lust, he’s human. He has a libido that does work, sluggishly though it is.
Technically, Steve is considered an impotent romantic asexual. He is impotent because of factors that he cannot control. His impotence has a couple of factors: physical trauma and medical.
As a smaller male, undersized and admittedly quite pretty and often sick, he would be targeted for deviancy. When one attacks something, one aims for what offended. Being attacked for being a pervert, the source of the perversion would be the target. Steve’s groin would have been targeted by the frustrated men attacking him, especially when he would go down and would be a target for kicking, instead of at the right height for punching. Enough attacks and there would be scarification. Scarring leads to insensitivity- especially extensive scarring. Repeated attacks to his groin would result in scarring, negating blood flow to his penis, preventing hardening.
The second reason is medical. Even without the scarring, Steve would have a hard time getting and maintaining an erection necessary to give him a satisfying sexual experience. Underweight, and malnourished, he wouldn’t have the extra blood or energy. In addition to that, the mere fact that he wouldn’t be able to get an erection, would be grounds enough for experimental treatment. Dr. John Brinkley- a quack who believed that erectile disorders were treatable by transplanting human testicles with goats was applauded for years, before he was proven false. The treatment was advertised on the radio, and Steve would know about it.
Would you admit to having a disorder that resulted in having goat’s testicles implanted in your ball sac after having your own cut out, if you could avoid it by just pretending that nothing was wrong, that you were just broken?
Now for Tony. Tony Stark: genius, playboy, millionaire, philanthropist, superhero. Tony Stark who is, admittedly, a man whore. Let’s think about Tony for a minute. He would have gotten involved with a lot of people, and plausibility would say that he would have come across a man or woman who identified as an asexual. However, even if that were true, Tony’s bed journeying would not be stopped. So even if he came across an asexual man or woman, he would not be identifying it, they would be actively involved in sex.
Steve has taken a moment to tell Tony that he doesn’t like sex. That he doesn’t need an orgasm and doesn’t need the favor returned, and the first thing that would pop into his mind would be, not asexuality. It would be centered around potential PTSD-related symptoms that point to sexual abuse in the Super Soldier. Or probably even something related to morals and training in the past that he doesn’t know.
If Steve has issues, Tony would not make a leap to asexual. And because Steve doesn’t know what that means, doesn’t know what that is, he isn’t able to communicate it to Tony. And without studying Steve, researching what’s going on with him, Tony’s not going to label him.
What you’re going to find in this verse:
Tony and Steve exploring the depths of Steve’s sexuality, including the asexual side of his nature. It’s going to explore the side of Steve’s erectile disorders and the unfortunate side effects that the serum granted him- Viagra wouldn’t work for him. He would metabolize it far too quickly for him to use it effectively. The same with introduced testosterone into his system to try to cure the erectile dysfunctions. It means that Tony and Steve are going to explore different aspects of foreplay and find that they don’t always work for them. It means that there will be erections on Steve’s part and sexual exploration.
You’re going to see frustration and depression on the side of Tony and Steve. They’re going to deal emotionally with the fact that they can’t find a way to connect to each other physically in a way that Steve wants to, and Tony prefers.
You’re going to see some things that i’ve learned through research: dealing with libido, sexuality, and desire.
i feel like i’m doing this series of fics justice. However, i am not an asexual, i don’t identify as such. If you do and you want to address something that you feel that i’ve done poorly or completely misunderstood, i welcome open discourse. i welcome polite discussion that offers alternative points of views that i wouldn’t have thought of before. i do not like having somebody criticize my fic anonymously, and not just criticize, but rant at me. If you’re going to pick something apart, please do so with a little class. And please, have the balls to leave an option for me to respond to you like the adult that you should be when reading explicit fanfiction. i don’t like cowards. But i welcome open and insightful discussion.
i hope you’ll enjoy the series. i’ve enjoyed it thus far, and i’m certain i will continue to do so.
If you can handle that, than please, continue to the first part. A Question of Sexuality, on AO3
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